Cliches you hate most in books?

Some of mine:

1. Siblings that refer to each other as “Sister” and “Brother”. This is not how siblings talk. They use names. Try making fun of your own siblings that way. Not “Andy, you look like Pee-Wee Herman in that beanie,” but “Bruh-thuh, you looketh like Pee-Wee Herman, verily, forsooth.”

2. People on quests making stew. Do authors understand how long it takes to make stew? If you have to hunt, kill and dress the deer, then make stew out of it, you won’t be eating till tomorrow. Plus you need to haul other heavy perishables, like onions, carrots and potatoes. And what exactly do you plan to do with the rest of the animal? Deer are large. You can’t stuff one in a pot.

3. Crying a “single tear.” This is not how tear ducts work. They fill on both sides. If you’re crying on one side, you’re crying on the other. Unless, I don’t know, you have a congenital duct defect. Or maybe a glass eye.

4. Heroines who wail, “And it was ALL MY FAULT.” There is no possible way that the situation is entirely one persons’ fault. Dear, your narcissism is interfering with my enjoyment of the story. I truly hope you die in an upcoming scene.

5. The Headstrong Princess. Why is she in trouble, again? Because she has deadly enemies at court? Because she was raised in a convent and never meant to rule? Because every eighth daughter is cursed to be a werewolf, and she was born under a bad moon? No, sorry. She’s just Headstrong. But it’s secretly a good thing because women should be Strong.

How about you? What are some of yours?