Is My Writing Dumbed Down?

Hey everyone!

As you know, I’m getting ready to release my debut novel in a few weeks. Because of this, I’ve been in panic mode finalizing a couple of edits before I send it off to my ARC reader(s). During this process, I noticed I spelled out a couple of things for the reader in clear sentences. However, for one of these sentences, I used show not tell to illustrate the point across multiple chapters. Because of this, I was wondering if this meant I was “dumbing down” my writing.

For clarification of where I’m coming from, I recently used a Flesch-Kincaid calculator to calculate the reading level of my book by pasting in samples from different chapters throughout the manuscript. While I’m skeptical of the Flesch-Kincaid system since it doesn’t factor in things like reader vocabulary or sentence structure, I do feel it gave me a general idea of where my novel sits in terms of readability (It oftentimes placed my samples in the 9-10th grade level, btw).

So, while I feel confident that my prose is up to par or even above the reading level for my intended audience, I’m mainly focused on the two sentences I mentioned above. Most of my angst about this stems from the rumors about Netflix asking writers to have characters state the obvious to spell the story out for viewers who are not actively watching a show, and I feel me doing this is the literary equivalent.

Because of this, I’m seeking all of your guys’ and gals’ guidance on this. I have attached the two sentences below. I feel both technically work, but I just want to double-check and see if I’m right about it detracting from the story or if it’s my impostor syndrome. For Exhibit B, I also attached the paragraph before the sentence in question to clarify where I’m coming from.

Exhibit A (aforementioned example, with character trait alluded to and demonstrated in previous chapters): After all, FiPlush was prideful, and was beginning to overstep acceptable boundaries within his line of work.

Exhibit B (from the cataclysm, without aforementioned hints; my book is chiastic btw): Svaennant looked out the window, visibly distressed. He had lost his gamble. With the IG’s main flagship destroyed, it meant the favor had shifted to his pursuers. The predator had become the prey.