Therefore and But When Outline

When I was mapping out my plot today using the “therefore” and “but when” format, I noticed there seems to be two “but when” before a therefore. When I read it out loud, I'm struggling a bit to follow, so I'm guessing that indicates that there is a problem?

When I use the same method on the second boom, it flows much better and has and every other cadence to it.

Do you think I'm on the right track?